Let’s get real for a moment.

I’m definitely someone who believes that I can choose my thoughts and feelings, no matter what.

But over the last few months...it’s been a STRUGGLE to contain the shit show of emotions that have flown all over the place in my cozy apartment and family of three.

I’ve had many breakdowns.

MANY.

I’ve lost my shit more times than I’d like to admit.

So have my boys.

It’s been ugly, frightening, volatile, gut wrenching, and lacking any sense of direction.

And that’s just the puberty part - yup - PUBERTY...BOTH of them. UGH.

My kids depend on me to do the MOM bit.

And to make the money.

And to have all answers.

And be there as a verbal punching bag and as a soft pillow for them to land.

I love them.

I love us.

But I’m tired.

Are you tired mama?

When I’m tired, I stop.

I don’t work.

I don’t have the answers.

And I lay in my own soft ‘pillow’: I sit under my favorite tree.

And I breathe.

As this year has gone on, I’ve become better at taking that time.

For me first.

And

For them.

I’ve kinda mastered it.

I feel the signs of “tree time,” more acutely.

And I act right away.

It’s a lesson and a skill I’m thankful for.

Oddly, without COVID and all that has come from this year (so far), I wouldn’t have had the strong DESIRE to create that soft pillow for myself. This year has created more self-compassion and self-love than ever before.

How are you mama?

Have you created a space for yourself?

If you have, I’d love to hear what that is.

If you haven’t, let me know so I can help.

We’ve got each other.

Let’s help each other continue to take one step at a time.