The Magic of Receiving
Receiving.
Sounds easy enough.
I think of unwrapping gifts, Christmas morning, or coming home to a bouquet of flowers.
Glorious!
Or is it?
Receiving can be loaded with resistance. Receiving can be triggering. The offering of help or a gift can stir up so many emotions around guilt, shame, and even trauma.
I knew I had my own struggles with receiving, however, when I posed a question in my Love YOU More Project Community, “How do you feel about other people helping you,” the response was overwhelming!
Weak
Obligated
Embarrased
Uncomfortable
Unworth
Uneasy
Inadequate
Vulnerable
That’s when I knew I had to do something about it, so I created a Receiving Challenge.
In the middle of this challenge, I was hit with my own triggers on receiving, and I have to be honest, if it wasn’t for the Receiving challenge, I probably would’ve crumbled and deflected, even rejecting the gift.
I was able to stop and look at these emotions that rushed to the surface. I could step back and trace it to its roots and remind myself of why this trigger is no longer something I need to bring into my life.
My biggest trigger, when it comes to receiving, is money.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had ALL kinds of other issues with receiving, but the money thing seems to be the hardest to shed.
About a week ago, I was reminded that a speaking workshop that I really wanted to attend only had one more day to grab the Early Bird price. It’s been a rough summer, so my bank account wasn’t looking so hot. I was dreaming up creative ways to make quick cash, but I also was struggling with spending ANY money on things other than food, shelter, and clothing.
Matt asked me about the workshop, so I shared with him how much the content of this workshop speaks to me, but maybe I’ll wait until the next one, when I am in a better financial place.
A few minutes later. He handed me $200.
He had already helped me with my portion of the rent a few weeks prior.
I looked at him. “What is this for?”
“You need to go to this workshop. It’s important to you and the Love YOU More Project.”
Okay, he’s awesome and loves me and believes in me fully, however, giving me money -- ACK.
Instantly I felt ICKY, guilty, full of shame, and obligated.
I started crying.
I let the wave of emotion come up.
I brought up the fact that he just helped me with rent and I feel weird with this gift.
He reminded me that my success is important to him.
It was hard, but I said, “Thank you.” and took the gift.
And it sat with me all day before I let go of my guilt and purchased my ticket to the workshop.
The next day, I met with my photographer to see my rebranding photos. They were amazing and were perfectly in alignment with where I want the Project to go. She (photog) is very generous, however, again the price tag, while very reasonable, had me battling my “needs” vs. “wants.”
Matt saw a couple of the photos and asked about the price. I explained that I can do a payment plan, so I might figure out a way to do it. A few minutes later, he handed me $200.
I didn’t know what to say.
Again, all the feels came up. I started to cry. (Yes, I'm a cryer)
And then, I thought about the Receiving Challenge and checked myself:
"This is the way he is showing his love. Accept it."
I said, “Thank you.”
Now, this man has never just handed me money. We live together, yet our money has been separate. We split the bills. We are responsible for our own children’s needs and wants. So, I never thought that he would do something like this. And, to top it off, he ONCE mentioned, "I feel it's inequitable that all our dates are funded by me." Ugh. That sentence was like a dagger into my heart. Since then, I've felt OBLIGATED to always pay my way -- which meant, less dates.
Needless to say, because I’m not financially secure, but working my ass off to change that, I feel very ashamed and weak. My worth can easily get wrapped up in my financial situation. And when given something as strong as money, I feel like I’ve failed myself and my children.
The magic in receiving appeared when I understood these concepts:
- People give because they WANT to
- People give because they BELIEVE in you
- People also receive when they give. In fact I LOVE to give when I can because of the joy I feel for the recipient's happiness.
- You cannot control the giver’s intention, so you must trust that it comes without strings
- It’s OKAY to ask, and RECEIVE help
Yes, it’s still an area I will explore and foster growth. Allowing myself to receive these monetary gifts so close together, has pushed me to look at myself inwardly and work through the root of this perceived truth of "I'm a failure."
By doing this, I am growing a deep, loving relationship with myself. I hope this is true for you as well.
We are all on this journey together.
Love YOU More
XOXO - Selena
What perceived truth comes up for you around receiving?
Please comment below.
If you would like to work more on the topic of receiving, you can join my email list so you are notified of our next Receiving Challenge. Psst...you will also receive the FREE Discover your Non-Negotiables when you join.