How to Recognize Self-Sabotage
When relationships keep ending badly, diets end donut in hand or your savings has dwindled again and you wonder, "Why does this keep happening?," you might be doing the unthinkable.
You might be SABOTAGING yourself! *Gasp*
What exactly does that mean?
To sum it up simply, self-sabotage is:
Wanting something so badly and doing everything you never thought you would do to screw it up.
Even simpler:
Getting in your own way.
To be fair, this happens totally subconsciously, because of a deep rooted belief you have about yourself. Likely a belief that is only true because your mind insists it’s true.
I know what you are thinking:
“You think I want to keep failing at my goal to find a job and make money?”
Consciously, of course not. You want to work, achieve all your goals, and become rich!
Subconsciously, you either:
A. Believe you don't deserve to make the money you desire.
B. Believe you aren’t qualified for the job.
C. You don't really want the job at all, because it’s not in alignment with who you are.
When you have any belief about yourself, good or bad, you will likely find a way to prove to yourself that it’s legit, over and over... and over again, which perpetuates that truth! Have you seen a pattern in your life like that? It’s evil I tell ya!
Years of your life are wasted with thoughts such as:
"I have horrible luck."
"I will always be overweight."
"I'm not meant to be in a loving relationship."
So, do you give up?
No! You change the way you think!
But first comes awareness.
So, let’s take a peek a just FIVE examples of self-sabotage.
5 ways to recognize self-sabotage:
1. Procrastination:
What it sounds like:
"I’ll get to it later."
"I’ll start my diet on Monday."
"I just need to look at one more thing (on Facebook)."
Why you do it:
We often procrastinate, not out of laziness, but because of our brain’s lust to seek comfort and safety.
What’s the opposite of comfort?
RISK.
FEAR.
Doing something hard -- like, not eating donuts.
The result:
You end up living in a reactive place in life that keeps you from being fully invested or fully prepared. This sabotages your efforts to make change. So, go ahead! Claim the hashtag #donutsarelife
2. refusing to ask for help
What it looks like:
Making a decision to change a behavior without telling anyone about it or asking for help.
Refusing to let anyone edit your writing, give input to your idea, or help you with a project.
Avoiding that friend that gives you "tough love" when your 10th love interest this year, breaks up with you.
Why you do it:
SHAME.
You are already so ashamed of your "failure," that you don't want anyone else to know. You fear their input, AKA judgement. It’s easier to just be in your pain alone. You are sure if you tell someone how much of a loser you are, they will never speak to you again.
The Result:
You continue living in your own brain, not open to hearing a different perspective, and nothing changes. And guess what? You're still broke, your report is mediocre, and you're now on relationship number twelve. *sigh*
3. Perfectionism
What it looks like:
You live by this rule, "I achieve, therefore I am."
You are a workaholic with extremely high standards for yourself.
Going ALL IN on your diet or new project. You don't see progress or feel success in one week, so you quit.
Why you do it:
Sometime in your life, you were only praised for your achievements and punished for minor infractions. The bar has been set very high and you do not accept anything less. Your brain feeds off of high performance as a way to control your environment and create comfort. (Your mind loves comfort!)
The Result:
Your mind is terrified of not being praised, so you continue to get in your own way. You never put yourself out into the world unless it meets your ridiculously high standard. So you write your first novel, feel it's not good enough, it sits on your computer, and your writing career never gets off the ground.
4. Living in your past
What it sounds like:
"If I only...”
“I wish I had done...”
“If I could go back, I would do things differently.”
Why you do it:
These thoughts assume we can go back in time.
Newsflash! You Can’t.
Nothing you have done in the past is going to change. Because of some past event, you subconsciously decided to make that thing or event mean something about you. “If only I had tried harder, I could’ve gotten that job,” ends up meaning, “I suck. I’m never going to get a job. What’s wrong with me?”
The Result:
You believe the thoughts triggered from your past experience, which cause you to feel less-than, which prevent you from trying again. I mean, what loser like you is going to get a job?
5. Self-pity
What it sounds and looks like:
You get a flat tire, you’re broke, and your fish dies --->“Why is life out to get me!?”
"They are making me feel sad."
Blaming something outside of yourself for the way you feel.
Why you do it:
You believe that life happens to you, but here’s the thing, YOU happen to life. You blame your circumstances for your feelings, and your feelings cause your actions. You believe that something or someone else has the power to make you feel a certain way. You don't understand that your feelings are a choice YOU make.
The Result:
You repeatedly slide back into self-pity when things go wrong, because it’s easier to cry and complain about your situation than to realize you have the choice (POWER) to change your perspective on the subject. I’m all for feeling all the feels, but if you sit down and have a picnic in your self-pity, not only will your life not change, YOU won't change. So tell me, how would you LIKE to feel?
Did you recognize any of the five self-sabotage tactics you are using in your life? Are you surprised to see how they are hindering you in your day to day?
You might be wondering what to do about your self-sabotage. The long answer is for another blog post.
The short answer is:
Start to think about what you are thinking.
What are your thoughts making you believe about yourself?
If you don't want to wait for a new blog post and you are ready to get ahold of your mind and say goodbye to Self-Sabotage, come on over and work with me. I've got an option for everyone.
I'd love to hear what comes up for you after reading this post. Which of the 5 examples are you seeing in your life? Is there anything else you feel might be self-sabotage that you'd like to share? Comment below!